The Pride- Chapter 25

I have discovered something new about me. It turns out that I don't really like it.

It started yesterday, a Sunday. The Journey recently hired a new Youth Pastor. I am very happy for the kids. They deserve one person that can devote a great deal of time to them, and them alone, rather than having a group of temporary people try. I am however, struggling with myself.

Keith resigned his position as Youth Pastor over 9 months ago, but it took the hiring of another for this issue to finally arise. I've never seen this in myself before, I think, because there has never been the occasion. It seems that I like to feel important. This, I think, I already new, but in this instant, I like to have an important position in the church. I can see how this might, in some cases, not be a bad thing, but it all boils down to my pride. I want others to see me, to recognize me as an important member of the congregation, rather than just "another" member. It's not that I am unhappy with the part of the Body of Christ that I have been called to be. And I cannot expect to not follow or disagree with my husband when it comes to leaving his position at the church. It was his choice, not mine. But I am no longer in that higher position. I am no longer the "Youth Pastor's wife," I am simply Leah.

It took a single person to "take my/our place" in order for me to feel "unneeded." I think I am going to have to find something else to occupy my time in the church, or at least learn to be the "body part" that Christ calls all members to be. I have never been a "leader." I am better in the background, but knowing that everyone knew me, was a great feeling.

Even as I write this, I can see a change in my heart. It's not about me. It has never been about me. Aren't we all members of Christ church, so that we can evangelize, and do His calling? I can't look at this as a disappointment, I needs to be a reason for rejoicing! Christ has brought our humble church a new strength. It is a change meant to reach out to others in His name, not to tear down those already there. I need to be a part of this change and embrace it, because He embraces it. I can do that. I know I can. I just think I'm going to need a little internal work in order to rid myself of this pride I know is still there.

God hates sin. Every sin. I cannot call myself a Christian if I do not let Him work this change in me. But I will let Him, because I am ultimately working on growing closer and stepping upward to the Cross. I feel better already!