I'm having a personal dilemma. It's pretty specific and I'm doubting if I know anyone that can say that they've been through this, but I'm hoping to resolve my feelings in due time.
Here's the deal. At first I wasn't really stuck in the middle of the divorce. In the beginning I was only a bystander, watching the marriage crumble, but doing my best to be supportive and encouraging. Now that it is over, I feel stuck. Keith and I, in particular, are stuck knowing what happened was wrong, but being forced to be around the offender. I don't know what to do, what to say, or how to act. I know that we aren't to judge, that's God's place. I know that I am to forgive (harder than it seems). I know that I am to pray (just as hard as the forgiving). My heart wants to scream at him, tell him everything that he did wrong and try to get him to see the light. My head, on the other hand, knows how futile my actions would be. There are lots of people out there, I know several, who HAVE to learn things the hard way. As a side note, I fear that the hard way might take too long, and that repentance might come too late. Am I then to act like nothing happened? Never talk about it? Always feel awkward?
So what am I to do? I need to pray for healing, at least on my part. I cannot get to the point where I can act normal, if I haven't let God work in me. So here I am, in a place that feels like mud. I need to get to a point where I can at least look him in the eye, right? How can I buy and give a birthday present without actually looking at the person? But every time that I think about him, see him, my mind only thinks about how bad of a person he is.
Then there is the "other" person. I dread the day that I know is coming, the day when she comes to a family get-together. I am going to have to smile, chat, and act as if nothing is going against everything I believe. I'm afraid of my self control. I am afraid that I might let my true feelings slip. I can't avoid that day, or them. That isn't the Christ-like way to act.
And that's what it all boils down to doesn't it? Christ spent time with sinners. He eat with them and cared for them. They were the reason that He came to die. How can I act any less than that? I can at least put aside my feelings for a couple of hours and put on a fake face, right? I don't have to like the situation, but I do have to love the sinner and hate the sin. Never have I had put that saying into action. Here for the first time, I have to seperate the act and the person. Love the person, just the person . . .
Lord give me strength . . .
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